Sometimes I feel like I am addicted to change. Like if something is too common, if I am getting tou used, that I deeply crave change. Like life changing changes. I am not talking about buying a new deodorant (that I do regularly).
I wrote in May that I needed roots. Or thought I needed roots, I don´t know about that anymore. Or is it just that I grew up in Sweden and I am changing like the seasons? Well, I don´t know the answer and no matter what it is, change is coming.
And the truth is that so much has changed in my head this past summer that I feel like I have moved around the actual core of my being. The view on life, the idea of this world. It is constantly evolving and changing. Growing.
I wrote this in September last year. I never published it. But Yesterday I read an old poem from The collection of Poems by Karin Boye, she was one of the first poets (if not THE FIRST), I read as a young girl and I always felt like her poems spoke to me. Like she was talking to me. Her it is in Swedish, press the link down for English.
Här går nya vägar.
Låt oss vandra fromma.
Kom, låt oss söka
någon ny och vacker blomma.
Kasta det vi äger!
Allting nått och färdigt
livlöst oss tynger,
dröm och sång och dåd ej värdigt.
Liv är det som väntar,
det man ej kan veta…
Kom, låt oss glömma!
Låt oss nytt och fagert leta!
Read it in English here!
I never even knew her poems where translated to English, but there you have it. One of the great Swedish poets. She killed herself from heart ache. Or no one really knows if it was on purpose, she froze to death in the woods after taking too many sleeping pills and wandering off. Read about her, she was much more than I knew when I first starting reading her poems as a ten year old.
And I agree with her so much here, let us forget, let us go find new and beautiful things. That is what life is about. So change. Always there.
Me, in September, in the sun wall at the summer house. Before winter struck. The day I was thinking about change.
How do you feel about change? How do you handle it?
Ps. Sun is slowly finding its way back to us. Last week we could sit outside on one of our small balconies. Changes of the seasons. Ds.